Mr. Fixit: Ned Colletti

In Richard Scarry’s Busytown storybooks, Mr. Fixit is a fox repairman who boasts that he can fix anything, but does not often show this ability. This is eerily similar to Ned Colletti. In recent years Ned has gotten better at solving problems, mostly because he now has billions of dollars to throw around. But in years past, we have seen Ned try to patchwork a bench together with mostly worthless veterans (Jamey Carroll not withstanding), coax a few more miles out of used arms like Ramon Ortiz and Russ Ortiz, and fill holes in the everyday roster with 1-tool players like Juan Pierre, Ricky Ledee, Garret Anderson, and Juan Uribe.

It isn’t so much that Ned is trying to fix anything, but that he fails so miserably so often when he is deliberately trying to fill a roster spot with a warm body. In some ways it makes him predictable. Kinda like Mr. Fixit. “How is he going to fail today?” Brad Ausmus? Ronnie Belliard? Ryan Theriot? Nick Green? Juan Castro!?!?! Dioner Navarro? Juan Rivera?

The team still has a few holes to fill despite the full 40 man roster. I fully expect SnakeBoots to find an aging backup catcher. Personally, I want the team to find a right handed outfielder to pair with Ethier or Crawford against lefties. But he already added Skip Schumaker (why? I don’t know.). But Skip hits left handed and can play any of the outfield positions and stand at second base. I would also like to see a legitimate backup plan in case Luis Cruz realizes he is Luis Cruz and hits like … Luis Cruz.

But this is more of a predictor for what Nedco might do, and not necessarily what I think he should do. Positions include right handed hitting outfielder, third-baseman, left handed relief pitcher, and back up catcher. More-over, if we come across a player that has previously played with the Gnats or is named Juan, he immediately moves to the front of the target list that we presume Ned has.

Lets start with back-up catcher. I have never seen a dodger prospect start the season on the 25 man roster when he still had minor league options. So, Fed-Ex is off the list.

1. Yorvit Torrealba – Started his career with the Gnats and that is why he is first on this list. I expect him to sign. This is a no-brainer. Meaning, you must not have a brain if you sign him.

2. Matt Treanor – is filled with all kinds of veteranny gooeyness, which means he could get the same 1 million dollar contract he got last year.

3. Miguel Olivo – it doesn’t get much worse than this. Sure he has a great arm, but he is lazy behind the plate and Juan Uribe bad with the bat. Expect a 3 year deal in the 20-23 million range…

Moving on: right handed hitting corner outfielder. Scott Hairston makes too much sense, so he is off the list.

1. Mark DeRosa – This actually fits on a few different lists. He could also spell at third base if we needed him to. That doesn’t make him any younger or better at baseball, but it also doesn’t mean Ned wont sign him to a Major League contract.

2. Marlon Byrd – Byrd isn’t very good at baseball any more, but it is entirely possible that Ned will basically give him free money. Byrd will stink in his time with LA, and we will have to watch him struggle while some minor league kid gets removed from the 40 man roster so we can keep Byrd on the bench.

3. Juan Rivera – Because, why not?

Since DeRosa is already signed (and already injured), we still need to fill the back-up 3B hole.

1. Miguel Cairo has never played for the Gints. But I doubt he would turn down a guaranteed contract.

2. Chone Figgins – This just makes too much sense (sic). Lead off hitter from LA, that can also play the outfield?!?

3. Bill Hall – This just makes too much sense (sic). Power’ish hitting third-baseman that can also play the outfield?!?

Left Handed Relief – Ned hasn’t done too bad with his relief options. Until he signed Guerrier… and League. I expect League to be better than Guerrier, but neither deal was ideal. J.P Howell isn’t old enough.

1. Mike Gonzalez – Personally, I would be in favor of this move. That basically means it wont happen.

2. Pedro Feliciano – This makes all kinds of Ned Colletti sense.

3. J.C. Romero – This makes all kinds of Ned Colletti sense.

This is a simple list of available free agents. The Dodgers have players that are definitely on the trade block. Chris Capuano, Aaron Harang, and Nick Punto are certainly being shopped around. But who knows what Ole Snake boots might do to fill any of the available holes outside of free agency?